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· 5:Record Reviews in Razorcake #79


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Razorcake #79
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No Idea Records

Record Reviews

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FAST BOYS:
Rock N Roll Trash: CD
This album has fourteen songs that clock in at less than thirty-two minutes. This reminds me a lot of The Stitches but with Guitar Hero-sounding solos. There’s a fun cover of The Damned’s “New Rose” on the CD. All the music is as straightforward as it gets. It’s just good, old-fashioned, assaulting punk rock here. –N.L. Dewart (Zodiac Killer)


FAST BOYS:
RockNRoll Trash: CD
…meaning no disrespect to anybody up or down the food chain, but i’m kinda viewing the whole Poison Arrows/Cute Lepers fatal OD thing as kind of the Altamont for this kind of music ((and when i say “this kind of music,” i apparently mean some kind of post-Exploding Hearts punk/glam/rock & roll dealie-do where everyone has tight pants, studded belts, chain wallets, and creepers. And really nice guitars. Oh, and hair brushes, too)). I mean, the Poison Arrows played in Green Bay about a week before that whole deal went down, and, even then, you could tell that people were just sort of…i dunno, for want of a better word, smirking at the whole Renaissance Faire aspect of the whole deal. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not an inherently bad look—hell, i freely admit that if i could honestly pull off the whole “looking like a Bay City Roller as drawn by John Holmstrom” look, i’d probably do it, too—it just doesn’t seem like this is the way productive, vital cogs in the rock’n’roll bioorganism look right now, it seems, at this second, that it’s more like people being tethered to/frozen into whatever aesthetic template they decided was Boss and Gear after they heard “Guitar Romantic” or something ((and if OD-gate is this music’s Altamont, i’m thinking the Exploding Hearts tragic van crash is more like Elvis going into the Army than it is Buddy Holly’s plane going down, but these analogies are beginning to verge into the realm of the pointlessly insensitive so fuck it)). Anyway, enough high level shit. I neither hate nor wish to hate this record, but, for the cry-yi, could you POSSIBLY have thought of a more generic band name? And could you POSSIBLY have come up with a more generic album title?? I mean, i’d be depressed if i found out that “Fast Boys” and “RockNRoll Trash” were anything other than the result of some software program designed to scientifically and mathematically calculate the most generic possible results to the queries of “CREATE BAND NAME” and “GENERATE ALBUM TITLE.” Still, this record isn’t bad—it’s rehashed, generic and overplayed, but it still isn’t bad—and in between the mewling about “rock ‘n’ roll trash” and—i dunno, was it “Main Street” or “The Boulevard” or am i just assuming there’s a song that mentions “Main Street” or “The Boulevard” because it would be some kinda violation otherwise?—there are a few sorta memorable tunes ((“Wanderer” appears to mention a jukebox, “Grown Up Blues” is kinda good, and “Won’t Let Me Kiss Her” would be really good except that it’s sorta wrecked by some, frankly, awful backup vocals)) and the album does seem to pick up steam as it shambles along…but that plug is swiftly pulled when the band opts to include, for whatever reason, a humdrum cover of “New Rose” towards the end of side two. DUDES, WHAT THE FUCK??? You don’t cover a fuckin’ completely ubiquitous punk classic on your album! Ya put something like that on the b-side of a three-song 45! What’s your big idea for the next record, start side one off with “Blitzkrieg Bop???” I mean, JESUS! Couldn’t you even hit us up with “So Messed Up” or something??? You gotta do the HIT??? What fuckin’ RockSchool did YOU fail outta??? Well anyway…yeah. Pretty Boy, Nasty, Cocoa, Fitz and Mikey, i salute you: “RockNRoll Trash” is officially the first record of this genre’s post-Altamont era. Good luck with that. BEST SONG: “Won’t Let Me Kiss Her” minus the bad backing vocals. DUMBEST SONG TITLES: “Fast Boys DTK” “Rock N’ Roll Trash” “Late Nights” “Gettin’ Off” FANTASTIC AMAZING TRIVIA FACT: “Recorded at Crystal Rain in South Carolina by a mullett (sic) -headed jackass” –Rev. Norb (Zodiac Killer)


FAST BOYS:
Self-titled: 7"
Sorta garage-y rockin’ pop punk that sounds a lot like the Gotohells or Heartdrops. Not my fave style, but this band does it as well as any other. –Mike Frame (Young Monster, yngmnstrrecords.blogspot.com)


FAST FOOD:
Party of Three: CD
An album by a Spanish pop punk trio released by a Japanese label. What a global age we live in. The cover art successfully evokes a spirit of fun, graphically relying on hot rods, UFOs, witches, surfing, ‘60s girl groups, food, and zombies. Basically all the coolest shit. Musically, Fast Food maintains its excellence with sixteen tracks of above-the-bar, sweet, melodic punk. What sets them apart from most of the sweet, melodic punk you already listen to is that all the lyrics are in Spanish, somehow cranking up the fun factor of the music by at least 130 percent. The only words I could discern in the English language were “Spiderman” and the phrase “gabba gabba hey,” which was invoked in three different songs on Party of Three. The entire album is basically a loving Spanish re-envisioning of the Ramones and Screeching Weasel and Fast Food are not shy about acknowledging their obvious influences. Besides all the “gabba gabba heys,” they also do a note-for-note cover of Screeching Weasel in Spanish by the moniker of “Fantasia de Supermercado.” Upon further research, I found out that Fast Food had been around since the mid-’90s and the new record is the best tunes off their previous two records recorded with a suitable recording budget. In any case, mucho gusto Fast Food, you have made my summer a bit more bouncy and enjoyable. –Jake Shut (SP, sp-records.com)


FAST MATTRESS:
Self-Titled: CD
Oh man, you gotta hear this song “Daddy Has a Mullet!” It’s about this girl, right—and she’s, she’s embarrassed to be seen in public with her father, ‘cause he’s got a mullet! A mullet! A mullet is like a really uncool haircut—and her dad’s got one! Aw, man, you get it? You don’t get it? Crap. I didn’t tell it right. This one’s on me. Let me start over. This girl’s dad, right? He’s got a really lame haircut. A mullet! And she has to like, you know, go places with him, and be seen with him—with his mullet! So she’s embarrassed and she wants him to cut it off! Man, that’s great. Brings a tear to my eye. Really great stuff. Hey, where ya goin’? I didn’t even explain the song “He’s a Heterosexual” to ya yet!!! Oh well... if George Lucas ever decides to fuck up the Hell Comes to Your House compilation LP, i’d be cool with him sticking any two of these songs on the second side—however, i think Fast Mattress must only be a twin size, as three is pretty much a crowd here. BEST SONG: “Hot Boyfriend” BEST SONG TITLE: “Inappropriate Itch” FANTASTIC AMAZING TRIVIA FACT: Scott thanks the city of Cleveland, Budweiser™ beer, and all those who serve it to him ice cold and promptly. –Rev. Norb (no label)


FAST PRODUCT:
Tall Coin: CD
Hit or miss pop with some interesting play between guitar and Farfisa and guitar, and some bouncy bashers, but also a couple bland duds and a mostly-bland lady voice singing to the duds and the bashers. –Dud Basher –Staff (Semiotic Idiot)


FASTER HOUSECAT:
Self-titled: 4-song CDEP
Here’s to hoping they forge their own identity on future releases because this sounds like the skinny alley of exactly who they like and little else. This band features former members of Rivethead, OWTH, and Tiltwheel. (Past members of OWTH and Tiltwheel could fill a parking lot at this point. No weight on that, just an observation.) Total conjecture on the band formation: “Hey, I love the Riverdales, Screeching Weasel, and The Copyrights!” “So do I!” “Me, too!” “And some Teenage Bottlerocket!” Unfortunately, they put nothing new on the table and all the other bands’ records are readily and abundantly available. –Todd Taylor (Self-released, fasterhousecat.bandcamp.com)


FASTIDIOS, LOS:
Guardo Avanti: CD
Well, hell’s bells, my ears have done melted and slid right down the sides of my face! Los Fastidios frenetically crank out a skull-hammering wallop of anti-fascist skinhead street punk that’s all-at-once confrontational, politically charged, and energetically raging. The vocals are gruffly spit forth in a slurred and emotional barrage of European dialect (Italian, I think… or maybe French. Damn, I dunno, I only speak Texan!). The brutal in-your-face instrumentation is roaring and wrathful, yet catchy and upbeat as all get-up. The lyrics (printed in three different languages) are a fervent, open call-to-arms for punk unity, spirited beer-fuelled good times with friends (hey, I can certainly relate to that!), animal liberation, and aggressively rousing revolt in the streets. There’s also a couple of robustly outspoken rants against half-wit racist knuckleheads, the US government’s greed-fed capitalistic policy, and the authoritarian abuse of power by corrupt cops everywhere. All in all, this is one heck of an oi-inspired punkrock release, and it should definitely be loudly blasted throughout the vast, cluttered expanses of America’s sprawling suburban wasteland. Fuck authority, hell yeh! –Roger Moser Jr. (KOB and Mad Butcher)


FASTIDIOS, LOS:
Rebels ’n’ Revels: CD
Italian street punk/ska stuff that is better than most, and I like the “radical” slant of the lyrics, but ultimately this really doesn’t do much for me. Funny, I seem to remember them being a wee bit more memorable. –Jimmy Alvarado (Mad Butcher)


FASTIDOS, LOS:
Ora Basta: CDEP
Italian street punk that was so nondescript that I couldn't muster the motivation to pop the disc outta the stereo and into the computer to marvel at the accompanying videos. –Jimmy Alvarado (KOB)


FASTIDOS, LOS:
Ora Basta: CDEP
The only thing that sets this apart from any other non-spectacular street punk band is that they're Italian. Not enough for me. –Megan Pants (Mad Butcher)


FASTIDOS, LOS:
Siempre Contra: CD
Italian skinheads playing punk with an occasional ska tune thrown in for good measure. Subjects addressed include resistance, revolution, animal rights, and such. While I can’t say this knocked my socks off, they were catchy enough and the songs weren’t about drinking and beating people up, and for that alone they get deserve nothing less than tons of respect. If it sounds like your bag, it’s recommended. –Jimmy Alvarado (KOB)


FASTIDOS, LOS:
Ora Basta: CDEP
Italian street punk that was so nondescript that I couldn’t muster the motivation to pop the disc outta the stereo and into the computer to marvel at the accompanying videos. –Jimmy Alvarado (KOB)


FASTIDOS, LOS:
Ten Years Tattooed on my Heart: CD
Italian skinhead music that is pretty good musically, but would someone please translate “Italians shouting ‘oi!’ sound just as stupid as Americans shouting ‘oi!’” for them? Thanks a heap. –Jimmy Alvarado (Mad Butcher)


FASTLANE:
New Start: CD
Another UK entry of melodicore for the Warped Tour set. If you put New Found Glory, Good Charlotte, or Simple Plan in your top-ten all-time list, this bubblegum will stick to the bottom of your shoe like no other. –Donofthedead (Sucka Punch)


FASTLANE:
Hold Your Breath: CD
Emo-saturated hardcore. I nearly made it trough the fourth song before the wretchedness of the music caused me to begin vomiting uncontrollably. –Jimmy Alvarado (Aggravated Music)


FAT ASS:
We Have Come For Your Mothers: CD
So I’m sitting here wading through some bottom-of-the-barrel reject discs I’ve been putting off reviewing for this issue and I come upon this buried in the crap I’ve scooped up. Depressed and more than a little punchy, thanks to the long line of affected college boys who have vented their politically correct rage into my ear over the course of the previous fifteen releases I’ve listened to today, I look at the cover, grunt, place the disc in the stereo and hit “play,” bracing myself for the pop punk onslaught that will no doubt come belching forth from my speakers. Much to my surprise, what came from said speakers if some prime-rate punk rock that sent my depression scampering for the hills. “Man, I needed this,” I say to myself as I crank it up to eleven. Fuck comparisons, this is just one of them discs that just rocks and nothing more need be said about it. A glance at the “thank you” notes on the inside reveals a Razorcake mention and I think how symbiotic that is – we Razorcakers only dig the finest in music and, in turn, are thanked by only the finest of bands. –Jimmy Alvarado (Diaphragm)


FAT ASS:
Another Great Day in Shithole: 7”
Hell fuckin’ yeh, this is blistering, balls-out rock’n’roll thunder at its trashiest and most wrathful! It cacophonously sounds like AC/DC, El Diablo, and the Supersuckers savagely runnin’ amok smack-dab into a furiously raging tornado, and then harnessing all of its catastrophic roaring energy and blasting it through a towering stack of Marshall amps. Unbelievably intense! –Guest Contributor (Diaphragm)


FAT BEAVERS:
Still Don’t Know What to Do: LP
French band with a horrible name and an interesting palette. Charming accents and decidedly weird lyrics layered over elements of pop punk, indie twinkling, and the occasional hardcore-like blast. I honestly can’t tell if they’re a funny band that shoots for seriousness every once in a while, or a serious band that’s unintentionally funny. I mean, lines like “uvula is not the horizon” and “advertising world you block my cock, spectacular scenes you suck my dick” are pretty much just nonsense, and there’s a song about how the singer has fallen in love with his dentist. So they’re a joke band, right? And yet songs like “Hate and Apathy” or “Dead Or Something”—apart from the fact that the dude’s vocals are a dead ringer for Draw Muhammad-era Cobra Skulls—could almost pass for hardcore with their structure, speed, and unbridled, galloping nervousness. And then “Snowfall” sounds like Onion Flavored Rings. Jesus. I’ve listened to this one quite a bit and I still can’t get a handle on it at all. Co-released by approximately ten different labels aaaaaand the band has apparently broken up. –Keith Rosson (Slow Death)


FAT HISTORY MONTH :
A Gorilla: 7”
Four songs of raw and rudimentary slowcore, scribbled all over with creepy reverb and feedback and delivered with a warped humor that banishes all preciousness. This is from a 2009 recording session, and I’m interested to hear what this band has done since. Are they still this visceral and dark? Think of this record as the ugly freshwater fish nibbling at Will Oldham’s toes while he floats in that quarry, taking Slint’s picture for the cover of Spiderland. –CT Terry (sweatersandpearls.com)


FAT HISTORY MONTH:
Fucking Despair: LP
I think of slowcore indie rock as drowning in its own self-seriousness, but Boston two-piece Fat History Month make it unique by injecting their songs with pitch black humor. I call them “Smartass Slint.” Their squalls of backwards-sounding guitar go on for ninety seconds or eleven minutes, and have titles like “You Can Pick Your Nose, You Can Pick Your Friends Nose, But You Cant Escape Your Horrible Family.” This band is the friend who you love for their biting jokes, and when they do something horrible to themselves you feel bad for laughing through their cries for help. –CT Terry (Sophomore Lounge, sophomoreloungerecords.com)


FAT PREZIDENT:
Bruto Slavo/VBK: CD
Bruto Slavo/VBK harkens back to the 1990s when the Epifat monster ruled the earth, with Fat Prezident sounding a lot like some oddly successful Strung Out/Pulley/Ten Foot Pole combination. It’s such a played-out genre but these guys are good at it, and it turns out that they’ve actually been a band since 1994. Croatian punks that insert some actual fury into the mix here. It’s convincing and well executed. Interesting also for the fact that they split their songs up, with the ones sung in Croatian closing things out. Surprisingly potent stuff. This will get some listens. –Keith Rosson ()


FAT SHADOW:
Foot of Love: LP
I was somewhat attracted to Fat Shadow’s offering of female-fronted alterna rock with its pop punk undercurrents that surface well when they do. Their sound was a nice surprise, as the picture of the nude woman with flower-laced hair entering a snow-covered cement tunnel on the cover had me anticipating some indie-hippie nonsense. While I do find this LP decent, I don’t think I could sustain many more listens to it. A good effort and entertaining, but it ultimately fell a bit flat and left me uninspired. –Vincent Battilana (Houseplant)


FAT STUPIDS:
Self-titled: 7”
Really great, straight-ahead, driving punk songs. Three dudes who know how to bring it. Dual vocals on a lot of it, which I really like. “Weirdo” reminds me of The Briefs. And I love that band. Very catchy shit you can dance to. –Nighthawk (Rad Girlfriend / No Breaks)


FAT STUPIDS:
Self-titled: 7”
Hear me out, okay? It snows in Canada. A lot, to my current understanding. I assumed, instead of spending time outside, like the rest of the world likes to do, Canadians stay inside and write songs all day. Bands get formed that wouldn’t form in the United States because of all the snow. How close am I? Fat Stupids are from Halifax. Their record was mixed and mastered by members of the Crusades and The Creeps. The record sounds like the midway point between the Creeps and the Copyrights. The vocals come from two singers, both using a melodious, but forceful shout in their songs. The songwriting itself is a fine example of modern pop punk. This wins the “best music I got to review” award for this month. –Bryan Static (Rad Girlfriend / No Breaks, nobreaksrecords.com)


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