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Record Reviews

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Self-titled: 7”EP
I’m no musician, and I don’t play one on TV, but I think they’re using the wrong end of the synthesizer, the side with all the high pitched keys. See, the vocals are all fuzzed-out and linty and crazed and the guitars slash while the bass bounces like a car with bad shocks, which is all pretty rad, but then the synthesizer, which is front and center, sounds like it’s backing a dancing fuzzball in a public service announcement between Sunday morning cartoons circa 1972. It just makes it odd because the rest is “Rust has rotted our circuit boards! We’re robots on kill mode! Raaar!” and the synthesizer is all “F is for Family. Let’s all hug this problem out.” I’m trying to like the Monitors, but it’s just bugging me that the Care Bears have been let loose in their interpretation of Philip K. Dick’s future. –Todd Taylor (Goodbye Boozy)

Showdown at the Discotheque: CD
Well-produced and boring corporate-style screamo. This is the new glam metal; where do all these bands come from? Super slick keyboard flourishes, lifeless vocals and glossy everything, it’s all here. A couple of songs even stretch out into electro dance punk. All the worst elements of current teenage music can be found right here. They play and scream well, but man, where are the tunes? –Mike Frame (The Moment)

Showdown at the Discotheque: CD
Judging from the picture of the vaguely Mansonesque cowboy on the cover, I was expecting at best some manic hardcore and at worst grungy hillbilly punk. Sadly, they’ve chosen to marry the cover with some lousy modern hardcore/screamo crap. Ah well, listening to this was fitting punishment for my breaking my “any band that uses the word ‘rock’ in their web address to imply that they, indeed, rock probably doesn’t and their efforts should be avoided like the Ebola virus” rule, because, to date, there has yet to be an exception to said rule. –Jimmy Alvarado (www.themomentrock.com)

Nothin About Nothin: 7”
Sweet victory! A two-piece Venice (IT, not CA) band, mixing the can’t-rattle-‘em-loose melodies and warmth of the Saints (if they were more acoustically based) to the raw throw-it-together-and-somehow-it-works-really-fucking-well vibe of Billy Childish, accompanied by a jouncing harmonica. They’re incredibly catchy, joyous, and fun. I can see these guys easily appealing to garage purists (fans of Norton Records), Merseybeaters (okay, I’ll admit it, although I’m not a fan: The Beatles), jamboree punks (Rumbleseat), and rippin’ roots (Bassholes)— something I’ve never thought a band could be capable of before. Grab this one and see if you can find any of their back catalog. –Todd Taylor (Alien Snatch)

Self-titled: CD
There is a thin line, on occasion, between charisma and yuck. This, however, is not one of those times: This is yuck by a country mile. Sounds like very confused 1978-era AM radio non-hits; right around the time when no one could decide if they should use tinny little Steely Dan jazz chords or disco beats, so they used some frail amalgam of both. Vestigially “glam” in the same way that Sweet’s tinny AOR hit “Love Is Like Oxygen” was (that is to say, wasn’t), or possibly like Nick Gilder or Alvin Stardust minus anything resembling their scanty amount of good tunes. Ordinarily, gentle consumer, i would urge you to give this product the widest of all possible berths, but i can’t imagine that’s at all necessary—the cover should be enough to keep your wallet safely riveted in your pocket. Non, ne toi pas. BEST SONG: “When She Wakes Up It Is Cold” BEST SONG TITLE: “Dried By The Sun” (seriously. That’s the best one) FANTASTIC AMAZING TRIVIA FACT: Both the keyboard player and drummer have facial hair. –Rev. Norb (Crustacean)

Get It Straight: CD
If this is punk, then it’s punk in its pajamas and slippers, curled up in a blanket on the couch and complaining that “it’s too cold in here.” But maybe it’s not pretending to be punk. I can never tell these days. Either way, the “ettes” suffix in the band name proves to be something of a tip-off: there is simply something diminutive about this band and—to put it in crude parlance—I think it’s their nut sacks. Sorry, I know it’s probably supposed to be lite, fizzy fun, but it just sounds annoyingly hip and safe to me. And wearing ‘50s style hepcat saddle shoes doesn’t make any of it cool. –aphid (Sudden Death)

Get It Straight: CD
I read a quote on the label’s website that states this is part of the second wave of Vancouver punk. I don’t hear that. This band had a short existence, lasting from 1980 to 1983. I was around back then, but I was here in L.A. and not in Vancouver. What this sounds like is one of those psychedelic garage rock bands off one of those Nuggets comps. Another description that comes up in my head is if X was not a punk band and was part of the Haight-Ashbury scene of the late ‘60s. I was way off on this one. –Donofthedead (Sudden Death)

I Don’t Need You Girl b/w (Can’t Seem To Find) My Way Back Home: 7”
The a-side is about fifty percent Pebbles, thirty percent Insomniacs, and twenty percent Fevers from a songwriting perspective, but about fifty percent Flamin’ Groovies circa “Jumpin’ Jack Flash,” thirty percent Pebbles, and twenty percent Les Sexareenos from a recording/execution standpoint. The b-side is similar, but not identical; however, the software program i use to calculate all these amazing percentages is real buggy and it crashed once i input the data that Roy Oden is now in a band with Oily Chi, so i won’t have the exact figures for a while. BEST SONG: “I Don’t Need You Girl” BEST SONG TITLE: “I Don’t Need You Girl” FANTASTIC AMAZING TRIVIA FACT: This vinyl has no label! None! It’s bare-ass nekkid! Awk! –Rev. Norb (Goodbye Boozy)

Not Economically Viable: CD
I usually stay away from saying things like “my favorite band is...” or “the best band in the world is...” simply due to the fact that it would be impossible for me to decide. I listen to countless genres of music (from jazz and afro-beat to rock, hip hop and countless off shoots of such things) and this list is way too immense to even begin formulating a specific answer to those types of questions. What I can do is tell you is which band has been in constant rotation in my car and at work this winter. I play their albums over and over again and never seem to get sick of them. Their songs manage to make me smile and feel better about life in a way that shows I’m not the only other melancholy romantic out there who isn’t gothic or emo or (insert sad-face stereotype here). Yes, folks, it’s The Methadones I’m rambling on and on about. Their dark and full-bodied take on pop punk is fucking amazing. It’s not the thumb-up-your-butt pop punk of Blink-182. It’s not the whiny pop punk of New Found Glory. And it’s not as simple and stripped down as bands like The Ramones, either. Although Dan Schafer, the frontman for the Methadones, was in Screeching Weasel, this band also doesn’t take on a bratty tone nor the arrogant know-it-all stance of the aforementioned band or, let’s say, the Queers or MTX. The music is nothing short of amazing. Great guitars, perfect drums, and the best lead and backing vocals of any band out there right now—mainstream or not. The lyrics kill me; they are so beautiful and smart and sad and cynical and positive all at the same time. Each full-length takes you on a rockin’ emotional roller coaster while the catchy choruses and hooks stick in your brain like white on rice. The first album on A-F was good. But it wasn’t until Career Objective that the song writing took full shape and dropped my jaw to my chest. Not Economically Viable is wonderful, too, though. There are more songs on Career Objective that seem to steal your heart at first listen, but this album is just as good and it’s a themed album loosely based on one of my all-time favorite movies, Falling Down, which portrays Michael Douglas’ character as having a nervous breakdown in the post-modern world we live and work in—you can tell I dwell in cubicles by day, can’t you? A themed album is hard enough... imagine undertaking such topics! It’s beautiful, I tell you, just beautiful! I haven’t been this emotionally attached to nor impressed by every piece of music on a pop punk band’s discography since Washington’s Sicko (and quite possibly the Vindictives before that). Ah, my beloved Methadones. This is the real deal folks. Real emotions. Real topics. Real good music, and if you’re not a fan or have never heard them before, start off with Career Objective and see if I’m not spitting the truth. –Mr. Z (Thick)

The Blue Eyed Model: CD
Oh, those zany art students! This is a story of our protagonist, Gregor, looking for companionship and the troubles that ensue. This is told through a wonderfully enunciative storyteller and instrumental segments. There is also a beautifully colored comic storybook in the liner notes. This is fantastic. I’m not sure how often I’ll listen to it, but, as a concept and for a listen or two, I’m impressed. –Megan Pants (Lujo)

Split: 7”
Medic: I honestly don’t know if I’d like this as much if I didn’t know that Dave and Tem (of the dearly departed Super Chinchilla Rescue Mission and awesome dudes) were playing on this. I do know that I really like the guitar parts. It’s like being stuck in the middle of a swarming hive of mechanical bees. My only 50/50 is that I’m not too big of a fan of the vocalist, who sounds like an ogre with a throat polyp. For fans of Dillinger Escape Plan. Triac: These dudes aren’t happy, but they’re good, technical musicians that mix mud, metal, grind, and Slayer with the occasional ambience of doom in the vein of Buzzoven. I bet they lit a lot of things on fire when they were kids and continue to have bad dreams as adults. –Todd Taylor (Reptilian)

Fantastic Success: CD
This starts off on a new wavy, arty vibe and then they just let loose with stabs into artpunk, ambient soundscapes, and points in between. Very eclectic and ambitious in sound. –Jimmy Alvarado (Doubling Cube)

Split: CD/DVD
Two songs each from these L.A. based bands. Each band does one of their own songs and then a cover. Mean Reds’ “Memories I Think” is fairly enjoyable while their cover choice of “Minor Threat” has a funky keyboard part in the middle that may catch the listener off guard. Wires on Fire’s original is “Million Dollar Maybes” which seems to be an ode to their favorite artist—Alice Cooper. I’m taking a shot in the dark here since they cover “I’m Eighteen” as their next selection. “Poison” would have been nice—but let’s not split hairs here. The DVD that comes with it is from a show that the bands did in a warehouse in L.A. in October 2004. Nicely shot but there was a little too much footage of half-inch flaccid pork torpedoes in both band’s set. Trust me on this—I watch so you don’t have to. –Sean Koepenick (Buddyhead)

Horns Up: CD
I was totally gonna blast ’em for the infinite lameness of naming one’s band after a popular punk rag that’s still publishing, but their blend of hardcore and AC/DC styled rock was interesting enough to keep me from raising a stink. Dunno how Tim’s progeny are gonna feel about it, though. –Jimmy Alvarado (Maximum RNR)

Love Songs for the Apocalypse: Split CD
Acoustic songs filled with fear, loathing, and plenty of drinking. If you don’t mind trumpet squalls mixed in with the strained vocals, you may like it. At least titles like “Whiskey Is My Kind of Lullaby” and “I Want Cancer for Christmas” show potential for creativity. But Johnny Hobo’s side may need a few songwriting revisions with help from Boxcar Willie at the campsite. Mantits tries to be clever with smart ass lyrics, but end up sounding like a third rate Ween. Have I mentioned lately that I hate Ween—with a passion? –Sean Koepenick (Spare Change)

Self-titled: 7”
Composed of two-thirds FM Knives and one-third Other Dude, the mighty SmartGuy press machine is already touting the band as “The Jam to the FM Knives Buzzcocks”—after a quick compare/contrast of the three Lyme Regis originals to the “unrecorded FM Knives gem” “Suffer, Suffer,” it might be posited that a more correct range of values would suggest L. Regis are more like the Foxton/Diggle to the FM Knives’ Weller/Shelley, but it is early in the game and i have not done all the math so i’ll need to get back to you on that. Basically, at present, this band is one of those bands that is made up of former members of a band i really liked, and sound just different enough from the original band that they are not that band, but yet do not sound different enough to be a wholly different animal. That is to say, Lyme Regis is the Raydios—not the Tweezers—to the FM Knives’ Teengenerate (now that i think about it, this sleeve looks kinda like Teengenerate’s “Flyin’ Over You” 45) (but worse). They are the Gaza Strippers—not the Lee Harvey Oswald Band—to the FM Knives’ Didjits (not that anyone in the Didjits was ever in the Lee Harvey Oswald Band! Absolutely not! No sir!). Essentially, they sound alternately too much and not enough like the FM Knives—although, to be fair, “USA” sounds more like a revved-up, vaguely politicized Real Kids; “Million Years” is one of those faux-soul downtempo fifth/sixth Jam album things; and “It Starts With The Band” is merely generic mod/power pop (flavored with Arco Arena cowbell clunking), so i admit there is moderate probability i do not know from whence i speaketh. Not a bad record by any means, but ditching the WORST BAND NAME EVER before it becomes unditchable might indeed be a step in the right direction. BEST SONG: “USA” BEST SONG TITLE: I’m not voting for “USA” so it had better be “Suffer, Suffer” FANTASTIC AMAZING TRIVIA FACT: “National Advertising” –Rev. Norb (SmartGuy)

Keep Your Heart: CD
I know I’m not “pro,” but fuck it. I listened to this record a couple of times and it slid right by me. Put it on, zip, half an hour passed, I put another record on. An oily egg on a teflon pan. But I was taking a shower, where a lot of the musical decisions in my life occur. I ask myself questions like “Do I like this band?” “Hype?” The true test is if I’m humming something I can’t trace. It means a band’s wiggled into my subconscious somehow. That happened with the Loved Ones. Little by little, the songs stopped being one mass with a couple of bright spots, and they separated into their own worlds. Same thing happened to me with Alkaline Trio. It brings me to this conclusion: sophisticated pop punk that drips a Lifetime-like, melancholic romanticism—lyrically, there’s longing, pure intentions, and hope—and shows a tender underbelly that contrasts nicely with the recent flood of intentionally ooky spooky eyeliner and man-crying bands. –Todd Taylor (Fat)

Bandana Thrash Record: CD
Huh. Maybe I’m just remembering something that didn’t happen. About five years ago, plus or minus, there was this band called What Happens Next (named, I think, from the Ill Repute record). And they started, or were influential in the genesis of, and coining the term, “bandana thrash.” It was a genre, a reflux of the late ‘90s back to the source code of thrash, that bit of time where Corrosion Of Conformity and DRI seesawed between punk and metal and crossover was an interesting concept. Anyhow, Livefastdie have nothing to do with that. This isn’t “bandana thrash,” and so I’m just confused. They like the Devil Dogs, production-less Ramones, early GG Allin, and the Reatards, and it’s a totally fuzzed-out, in-the-red garage affair that’s pretty darn good. I just can’t put the title and the band name together with what I’m hearing. I suppose folks who’ve never experienced “bandana thrash” firsthand won’t have such hangups. –Todd Taylor (Dead Beat)

No Regrets: CD
Formulaic, emo-tinged pop punk that ain’t all that different from thousands of others—bland, banal, boring as hell. –Jimmy Alvarado (Suburban Noize)

No Regrets: CD
Florida isn’t all beards, gators, and good times. It, too, is beset with well meaning fans of Bad Religion, NOFX, and The Offspring starting bands in their image. Although I’m only a recent transplant I’d like to apologize on behalf of California to all local music scenes suffering under this oppression. My only advice is to start showing up to shows about forty-five minutes to an hour after doors open. If you still see khaki shorts on stage, turn around and try again in fifteen minutes. Stuart FL’s Last Laugh play adequate but unimpressive California style skate pop punk. If you like that sort of thing maybe mixed in with Rise Against, you’re set. I’m not so stoked, personally. Plus they add to the growing pile of shitty “Paint It Black” covers out there and the bass player actually admitted in writing on their website that he preferred new Metallica to old. What the fuck is that? –Guest Contributor (Suburban Noize)

Terraformer: CD
Knut plays typical heavy rock. I guess you’d call it stoner rock. I hate to pick on this band, but I am sooo bored to death of this kinda shit. Just because you tune down and play slow and listened to Sleep a few times doesn’t mean you’re blowing anyone’s mind with how heavy you are. Listening to this makes me wish I was stoned so I wouldn’t have to pay attention to it. Isn’t anyone else bored of this shit yet? I am especially maddened by the last track, six minutes of just one note on a keyboard or something. Even I think these dudes need to put the bong down for a few minutes. –ben (Hydrahead)

The Last Waltz: CD
A live recording of the very last Killdozer show from November 1996. Apparently, this was originally issued on Man’s Ruin and has been out of print for a long time. I can’t even pretend to be a fan of this band or this style. I never went in for the AmRep/Touch And Go stuff way back when and it hasn’t aged well. However, if you are a fan of this stuff, this is a good addition. The sound quality is very good, there is a lot of witty banter, and all the sludgy noise you could ask for. –Mike Frame (Crustacean)

Peace and Quiet: CD
Twelve songs of indie pop/twee/power pop from Sacramento, California. First tune has some real cool Sweet-esque glam pop vocals on the chorus. Seems to shift back and forth between “mature” power pop and quirky twee from there on out. Pretty good lo-fi pop that has as much to offer fans of twee/Matinee Records as for fans of basement power pop/Not Lame Records crowds. –Mike Frame (www.keithpyle.com)

Split: 7”
Two song by both bands; they’re taking the pop punk blueprint laid out years ago by bands like Jon Cougar Concentration Camp, Organic and, more recently, Altaira and Snuggle, and trying their damnedest to keep their heads above water. And for the most part, they do. Thoughtful, fairly aggressive, and melodic stuff by both outfits, with Karate For Kids managing to come out on top if only for their more consistent level of intensity. Frame’s pulling their weight, don’t get me wrong, but there are moments when the guy in that band sings rather than bellows, and the result is more cloying than dynamic, also showcasing just how easy it is to fuck up songs like this when your bark is worse than your bite. As it stands, Karate For Kids does remind me more than a bit of Altaira, and that’s definitely a compliment, and Frame is kind of poised right of the cusp of grasping the “really good pop punk” label; they just need to add a bit more barbed wire and subtract a little more bubblegum. –Keith Rosson (Salinas)

From Somewhere in the East: CD
This disc has me at a bit of a loss. I popped it in the car and took off for work. A few seconds into the first song I was convinced that I was listening to another Canadian pseudo emo/hardcore band. Seriously, this sounded so much like all the stuff that was happening here in Victoria in the mid ‘90s, I was convinced that it may have even been local. Nope, this is Poland, not Victoria! It still really took me back to hear something that sounded so much like Render Useless or M-Blanket. Unfortunately, the vocals snapped me out of my trip down memory lane. Wow, that’s painful. Do you remember those stories about the guy who would soak pieces of bread in Liquid Draino and go out and feed them to seagulls to watch their stomachs explode? I am convinced that the singer of Juliette sounds exactly like what one of those seagulls would sound like right before death. It’s too bad because I kind of liked it musically. –Ty Stranglehold (Refuse)

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