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Record Reviews

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DEEP 13:
Eleven Stories: CD
Some Louisville hardcore that, while well played, failed to tickle my fancy. Could’ve been the metal overtones running rampant on this disc, but something just didn’t sit right and subsequently failed to keep my interest piqued. –Jimmy Alvarado (www.eugenerecords.com)


DEATHXDEATH:
The Glamour of Evil: CD
Classic OC hardcore, from Oakland. Think “Richard Hung Himself” with loads more speed, an overall darker outlook, and updated for today’s actual adolescents. Says it’s got a video on it, but my computer won’t do it. Do it, you! –Cuss Baxter ()


DARLINGTON:
Moron-a-Thon: CD
...if i ever ran a Pop-Punk Whorehouse – and who’s to say i don’t already do so? – i think one of the hapless johns i’d invoke my one-way-mirror privileges on would be Christy Darlington. I’m not sure why. The guy just always struck me as “interesting.” Not “interesting” as in i’d like to sit him down and ask him a bunch of deep and philosophical questions just to help slake mine own thirst for knowledge kinda interesting, but “interesting” like a big dragonfly with its brains turned to bubblegum on your front window still buzzing and writhing around kinda interesting. I mean, it just seems like the dentist gave him the Loony Gas as a child, and no one ever thought to turn it off. Oh, to be sure, the album starts off deceptively underneath the looniness radar, with a buncha “serious” type numbers seemingly aimed at currying favor with the latter-day Connie Dungs sales demographic; following that, things ratchet up into a suite of honest-to-young-Weasel numbers about pool parties and pajama parties and surfing in Croatia and suchlike, as if the guy could somehow simply WILL life into a long-dead shindig. Only at the tail end of the record does the TRUE Christy Darlington gibbering retard pervert savant-itude finally surface, as if he was ultimately unable to keep up the pretense of being a sensitive and artistic Connie Dungs pop-punker and/or a dweeb-ass “Teenage Slumber Party” regurge-a-tron for the duration of an entire compact disc. Submitted for your approval in this matter, from “ATM”: “She likes to give me head, I like to give her head/She tastes so good I’ll lick her back to front, oh yeah/No way I ain’t ashamed ‘cause I love dirty sex/I love the way she smells and how she tastes, oh yeah” and this, from “Electrocute Me”: “I’m a naughty girl, I’m a dirty girl, yeah I’m a filthy slut yeah... Well I love porno sex, I’m really hot in bed, I’m a sinner” and “I love your shorts-n-flops, I love to fingerfuck” and even “Love it when your feet R dirty/Pull your panties down I’ll lick it up yeah.” I mean, how could ya not love the guy? He’s like this hopeless pervo-dork who more than likely really believes that If He Sings It, They Will Come. And then, of course, he will as well – even though Science says one’ll get infinitely more pussy singing about how one enjoys slapping women up than one will by pledging one’s eternal selfless devotion servicing the Temple of Squack in song. Dunno why that is. Probably because chicks are stupid. Almost as stupid as guys. However, luckily, with Christy Darlington on our side, we’ll never relinquish our slight edge in the matter!!! Booyah!!! BEST SONG: “ATM” BEST SONG TITLE: “Electrocute Me” FANTASTIC AMAZING TRIVIA FACT: Darlington were originally known as “The Mess,” but they weren’t the same The Mess you’re thinking of. –Rev. Norb (Stardumb)


CURSES, THE:
Throw A Fit: 7” EP
Energetic pseudo-garage rock with lyrics so simple that one is left to wonder if whoever wrote them either didn’t really bother to put much effort into them or is just some sort of unrecognized haiku genius. –Jimmy Alvarado (Home-Bilt Bomb, no address)


CRIMES OF THE CONSPIRACY:
When You Get This Letter, Burn It: 7” EP
NOTE: All my 7” reviews were done with the lights out this issue. WHAT I THOUGHT IN THE DARK: Song #1: Cheater beats are definitely a lost art. Song #2: Well, at least it STARTED like one of the weird instrumental songs off the first Meat Puppets 7-inch... Song #3: It’s a good thing i restrict my gambling to placing wagers on basketball games, because i would’ve put fifty-to-a-hundred down that this song couldn’t possibly suck as bad as the last one... and lost. Song #4: Uhh... how much would it break your heart if i told you i took the record off in the middle of Song #3? WHAT I THOUGHT WHEN THE LIGHTS CAME ON: When You Get This Letter, Burn It? I think they actually meant to say “When You Get This RECORD, Burn It.” BEST SONG: Song #4, o’ course BEST SONG TITLE: “When You Get This Record, Burn It,” which i had to invent for them FANTASTIC AMAZING TRIVIA FACT: The guitar player’s name is “XB.J.X” Presumably his friends call him “XB?” –Rev. Norb (Pop Riot)


CRESTFALLEN:
Self-titled: CD
Seriously over-the-top hardcore, skirting a fine line between bands like Die Kreuzen and the grind noise of Nasum and the like. The covers of “Minor Threat” and “Human Fly” were a mistake, though. Might I suggest something along the lines of United Mutations or Void next time ‘round? –Jimmy Alvarado (Robotic Empire)


CONSUME:
Who’s the Real Monster: 7"
Whoo-doggie. Aggressive, masterfully executed hardcore that’s thought provoking (“the need for acceptance has overruled competence”) while the music’s as heavy and dangerous as a bag of hammers thrown out an eight-story window into a crowded street. The guitar work’s complex, rough, and eerily melodic, so hints of both Tragedy and No Parade (two bands well worth seeking out) are present, too. (Also super-early Mudhoney. How odd.) By doing that, they make one of the catchiest anti-turning-animals-into-clothing songs I’ve heard in a long time. Of interest, to keep them being subsumed by the waves of other hardcore bands, they not only have a song about how sharks have been demonized (“Carcharodon Carcharias”), but include an essay on the topic of shark hunting in the lyrics booklet and have a picture of a shark on the cover. Excellent. I love it when hardcore has undeniable hooks and smarts. –Todd Taylor (Consume)


CONSTANTINE:
Shine a Light: CD
Occasionally noisy alt-rock that starts off strong and then veers off into Boringsville right quick. The fact that the singer reminded me of Springsteen in all the wrong ways didn’t help matters much. –Jimmy Alvarado (Sub Pop)


COMMUNITY SERVICE PROJECT, THE:
Process of Illumination: CD
One of those melodicore bands that are musically competent but didn’t get me interested from the get go.
–Donofthedead (Refried)


COLLISIONS, THE:
Talk Is the New Action: CD
Boring, arty rock music. –Jimmy Alvarado (www.windjam.com)


CLOROX GIRLS:
Self-titled: 7” EP

Four tracks of lo-fi, straight-ahead punk rock here. The three mid-tempo tunes were good, but the last track, a raver called “Trashy Daydream,” is the pick of the litter. That tune alone makes his worth yer green. Better act quickly, though, ‘cause there are only four hundred of these puppies out there.

–Jimmy Alvarado (Jonny Cat)


CLANN ZU:
Rua: CD
Is it bedtime already? Complicated artsy stuff that has me scrambling for my Raw Power record so I don’t fall asleep. –Not Josh –Guest Contributor (G7 Welcoming Committee)


CIRIL:
Hysteria Driven: CD
Looks like Rudimentary Peni, sounds like Rudimentary Peni, even has English-accent vocals, but they’re from Long Beach! That’s in California! Spooky, huh? –Cuss Baxter (Know)


CHECKERS, THE:
Make a Move: CD
I’m very skeptical of new wave’s current revival in punk rock, because I wasn’t that fond of new wave in the first place. Devo was cool if you didn’t try to listen to a whole album, and there were a lot of good new wave songs, but they were few and far between. I’ve been enjoying a lot of the new new wave, though, and the basic difference is that the newer bands remember to bring in the rock. The Checkers are a good example of this. The vocals are quirky and the music is jerky, but it’s faster and more rockin’ than any new wave from the first round. They show their influences in their covers, ripping through cool adaptations of “Observer” and “The Fanatic.” Really, though, it’s the originals that carry this album through. Songs like “Seeing Spots” and “Is He In?” really burrow into my brain and stick with me long after the album has ended and I’ve moved on in my day. Basically, The Checkers are exactly what the Waitresses should’ve been, and Make a Move is a solid album from beginning to end. –Sean Carswell (Make a Move)


CHEAP SEX:
Launch off to War: CD
Parrot punk (nice colorful dye jobs, kiddies) with all the expected trimmings that’s destined to serve as great background music as their adoring fashion-punk fans scream “fuck the system” while scarfing down a Big Mac. Jeez, considering the sheer number of bands that look and sound exactly like this these days, it must be mucho profitable affecting the pose and being a walking, talking stereotype. –Jimmy Alvarado (Punk Core)


CATCH 22:
Awaken: CD
Thirteen tracks of killer early ‘80s metal. I’m not talking thrash metal, but mid-paced metal. Full-on bang-your-head metal: Ozzy, Dio, Twisted Sister. There is a little Metallica influence in there, but minus all the whacked-out clothes and makeup. You get it all. Killer solos, great song titles (“Blood on the Bricks” is one of the many), high-pitched drawn-out notes! YEEEEAAAAAAAA! For what it is, this CD is killer, and if you yearn for the early ‘80s, grab your jean vest, get this CD, and bang your head! –Mike Beer –Guest Contributor (Molten Metal)


CARRIE NATIONS/ THIS BIKE IS A PIPE BOMB:
split: 7"
I was super excited to see this one come out. Two great bands, each with two tracks only available on this 7”. Both bands have a folk-inspired feel to them and deal with some serious issues, but never lose a dance-y pace. My favorite track is TBIAPB’s “Better off Dead,” which has the overlapping male and female vocals that they have pretty much perfected. Highly recommended. –Megan Pants (Plan-It-X)


CAPITAL SCUM:
Freak Show: 7” EP
New tracks from an ‘80s hardcore band. The tunes are reminiscent of both Discharge and Battalion of Saints, meaning they are pretty solid doses of thud punk with gruff vocals and just a hint of metal thrown in the mix. Not too shabby. –Jimmy Alvarado (Rocknroll Radio)


CADAVERS, THE:
Self-titled: 7” EP
Three tracks from a demo recorded by the band that became the Bodies. The music is essentially in the same vein as the Bodies, meaning that it’s tight, up-tempo and top-notch. The sound quality is a bit muffled, but the songs are strong enough to shine through. Good stuff. –Jimmy Alvarado (Radio)


BUZZARD, EL:
Self-titled: CD
Noise rock from the AmRep school of thud-punk. Some righteous shit here, if that sound is your bag. –Jimmy Alvarado (www.el-buzzard.com)


BUTTLESS CHAPS:
Love This Time: CD
College synth-rock is better than Nyquil when you need a good night’s sleep. –Jimmy Alvarado (Mint)


BUSINESS LADY:
B Lady: CD
Shit, I’m gonna have a hard time with this one. These youngsters have made a pretty big impression on me lately, and as sometimes happens with bands that really hit me in the face, I’m having a hard time coming up with pigeonholes and reference points. Musically, they remind me a lot of Chicken Scratch, whose 1990 Important People Lose Their Pants has high status with me, but I haven’t talked to anyone who knows who Chicken Scratch was in ten years, so that probably won’t help you. There is (in this Locustian town) a certain post-Locust aspect to it with the keyboards and whatnot, but without all the spasticism or theatre. There’s dissonance, so you might could call it no wave, or experimental at least. There’s boys and a girl taking turns with the singing and screaming (probably all join in for the two minutes of weeping – so, okay, so there’s some theatre); I was trying to think of who the lady singing reminded me of and Wanda said it’s Kim Gordon. Her voice, when it shows up, exudes a kind of passive authority without really commanding anything. The boys scream and yell more, but that’s boys anyway. Musically, restrained noise and creepy beauty undulate together and are reflected in lines like “tears and teeth” and “cause the cuts just a hair bigger.” Overall, from the musical presentation to the lyrics to the visual layout, they seem like smart people who don’t give a fuck what everyone else is doing and maybe these days that’s all it takes to make me happy. Must be; it’s working. –Cuss Baxter (Business Lady)


BUMP-N-UGLIES:
All-American 4-Pack: 7” EP
NOTE: All my 7” reviews were done with the lights out this issue. WHAT I THOUGHT IN THE DARK: Holy shit, this sounds just like that Bump-N-Uglies 7-inch i reviewed in issue #14, and Toby reviewed in issue #15. WHAT I THOUGHT WHEN THE LIGHTS CAME ON: D’oh!!! BEST SONG, BEST SONG TITLE, ET AL: op. cit. –Rev. Norb (Low Down)


BROKEN BOTTLES:
Not Pretty: CDEP
There are two kinds of punk rockers: those who like Broken Bottles, and those who have descended from a feral species of goat-people who live an underwater grotto off San Clemente and subsist on a diet of radioactive cheese. Seriously, I know there are people out there who don’t like the Bottles, and I don’t get it. The songs are fast, catchy, layered with tension and have epic hooks. For those of you who have only seen them live and haven’t listened to their recorded output: you’re missing out. It’s sharp, sonic, super-clean. The title track, “Not Pretty,” is an inverted love song stripped of all sentimentality and “Orange County” is the best kind of anthem: short, savage and emblematic of awful honesty that doesn’t need to be articulated to be true. My only complaint is that it only lasts sixteen minutes. This EP gives every indication that the Bottles first full-length on TKO will be the most anticipated release of the year. –jim (Finger)


BOUNCING SOULS, THE:
Anchors Aweigh: CD
These guys are back once again with a brand new full length. If you’re a fan of The Bouncing Souls, you will be delighted. Sixteen songs of what you have come to love from these guys. Melody, soul, and a tuneful experience. To top it off, some personal lyrics, as well. Pop punk at its finest. So if you’re a fan, pick this up. It even comes with some bonus CDR footage! –Mike Beer –Guest Contributor (Epitaph)


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·Razorcake Podcast #177
·RUINS
·BUCK BILOXI AND THE FUCKS
·RICH WHITE MALES, THE
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·GRAVY TRAIN!!!!
·Cheetah Chrome: A Dead Boy’s Tale from the Front Lines of Punk Rock


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